


Barriss' Agenda

by GentlyMorbid



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Mostly sweet fluff and love, The title was the easiest part actually, some angst???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 12:42:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10491129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlyMorbid/pseuds/GentlyMorbid
Summary: Barriss has a secret





	

Barriss paced around her room while waiting for Ahsoka to arrive. It would be just the two of them, as her mother had left the house on an errand, ostensibly, but Barriss knew that

Luminara was really giving her space to be with Ahsoka, of which she was appreciative.

Barriss had been doing a lot of thinking in the past several months. In those past several months, she had started questioning her identity. Specifically, her gender identity.

Initially, she had been resistant to the changes she was experiencing, but had gradually come to accept them. She had already been through the process once, when discovering she was both asexual and a lesbian.

That had been hard enough, although it had been like a lightbulb switched on in her head when she first realised. It was not so easy this time.

She had done extensive research, and spoken to many people in the queer community, but it had still taken a very long time to come to grips with the fact that she thought she was agender.

Barriss had always been comfortable in identifying as a woman, but now, she realised, she may have always felt a little less feminine than other girls seemed to be. She discarded the notion that she might be male, simply because it did not resonate with her.

Eventually, she discovered the term ‘agender’. While the specific term didn’t seem to fit properly, the description did. In the past couple of weeks, she had decided on “genderless” as a tentative label.

While a lot of people she knew eschewed labels, she found them to be very beneficial in organising her life and identity. It came in handy now more than ever.

Another area that Barriss found exhausting and difficult were pronouns. Even though she did not feel that she had a gender, she also found that she was still comfortable with her feminine pronouns, at least until further notice.

At that point in time, Barriss felt mostly comfortable with her identity, even though it never seemed 100% certain to her. At least she wasn’t up some nights worrying about it anymore.

The next thing on her agenda was to inform her girlfriend, Ahsoka Tano. That would be difficult, she knew. While she loved and trusted Ahsoka, she still had room for doubt when it came to other human beings.

She was never the most social or expressive and other people had the tendency to let her down when she needed them the most.

Telling her mother had been terrifying, however. It had just been a few days ago, in fact, that Barriss had sat Luminara down to speak, hesitantly, about how she felt her identity had changed and how she felt about it.

Luminara had taken it in her stride and made it clear that she supported Barriss and her feelings.

Relieved, Barriss had then started worrying about telling Ahsoka. While she was certain Ahsoka would have a positive reaction, Barriss still stressed.

She sometimes thought of herself as a being powered entirely by stress and anxiety. If Luminara had heard her say that, she might have agreed.

 

-

 

Barriss jumped as there was a knock at the front door. While Ahsoka had a key to their house, she had told Barriss that she felt impolite to just walk in whenever she felt like it.

Barriss walked calmly, but quickly, and opened the door to be greeted by her girlfriend’s body slamming into her with a hug. Caught off balance, both girls fell to the ground in a heap, Barriss breathless and Ahsoka laughing.

She kissed Barriss on the nose as an affectionate hello, to which Barriss responded dryly, “That’s not quite the reception I was expecting. How much coffee and sugar have you had?”

Ahsoka’s grin widened, as she spoke animatedly, “Oh, you wouldn’t believe it if I told you! Anakin and I found this out of the way store that sold all kinds of chocolate really cheap! We’ve been indulging all last night and this morning!”

Barriss rolled her eyes. The sibling pair had been inseparable ever since Anakin was adopted as a nine-year-old by their father, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Ahsoka had been conceived from a previous marriage, but that hadn’t stopped her from completely embracing Anakin as a true brother.

To Barriss’ exasperation, the sibling pair got into a lot of trouble and often ended up regretting it. Like Ahsoka would be the next day, Barriss knew from experience.

As they both got up, Ahsoka linked their arms and marched them dramatically to Barriss’ bedroom. Barriss just tagged along for the ride, secretly enjoying her girlfriend’s immaturity.

Once Barriss had sat down on her bed and Ahsoka had made herself at home on the swivel chair at her desk, Ahsoka asked, “So, what was it that you needed to talk to me about so desperately?”

Barriss’ eyes widened. “W-what do you mean, desperately? Did I s-sound desperate to you?”

Ahsoka’s eyebrow lifted. “Well, if you didn’t then, you’re kind of confirming it now.”

Barriss sighed heavily and slumped her shoulders briefly, before straightening her posture and focusing on her task. “Ahsoka, you remember how I came out to you when I discovered I was a lesbian?”

Ahsoka answered, spinning around on the chair slightly, “Of course. You told me you thought you were in love with me and then blocked my phone number.”

Barriss cringed internally. She could never let herself live that one down.

Nevertheless, she persisted. “Aside from that, you know how I found it difficult but you accepted me and told me we would work things out? Well, I kind of need you to do that now.”

Ahsoka was inquisitive. “Oh? Are you telling me that you’re attracted to rocks now, instead of me?”

Barriss shook her head. “Of course not! It’s actually not about my sexuality.”

Ahsoka perked up. “Is it about gender, then?”

Barriss couldn’t help but feel impressed. “You’re very astute, Ahsoka Tano.”

Ahsoka smiled. “I’ve learned how to read you, Barriss Offee. I know you very well.”

Barriss blushed, despite herself. “Well, over the past several months, I’ve figured out that…”

Taking a deep breath, she had to focus on her next words. Ahsoka gently laid a hand on her shoulder as a show of support.

Barriss said it all at once. “I’m pretty sure that I have no gender. I’m genderless, agender, whatever you want to call it. But I’m not a girl. I don’t think I ever was.”

Ahsoka pondered the revelation, while slowly stroking her chin and making “hmmm” noises.

Barriss couldn’t help but laugh. “Ahsoka, what in the world are you doing?”

Ahsoka grinned back, dropping the act. “Why, I’m making you feel better, dear Barriss! So, anyway, what do I call you now? I obviously can’t call you my girlfriend, but I’m sure we could come up with some other term, like,” her eyes twinkled mischievously, “fuck buddy? Friend-who-is-definitely-not-a-girl-with-benefits?”

Ahsoka started laughing hysterically and, after several seconds, Barriss couldn’t help but join in, holding her stomach in pain as her laughter issued involuntarily from her mouth.

Ahsoka’s laughing spasms caused the chair to tip over and Barriss swore she could pinpoint the microsecond that Ahsoka’s eyes widened with terror as she fell and hit her head with a loud “motherfucker!”

Getting up to see if Ahsoka was all right, Barriss giggled uncharacteristically when Ahsoka waved her off, massaging her sore head with half a grin and half a scowl on her face.

All of a sudden, Ahsoka started hyperventilating and tears rolled down her cheeks as she grimaced in pain, “Okay, this fucking hurts more than I thought.”

Barriss immediately vacated her seat on the bed to pull Ahsoka up into a hug, letting

Ahsoka alternate between growling and crying in pain into her shoulder.

After several minutes, Ahsoka kissed Barriss hard and guided her to the bed, where they fell down, Ahsoka on top of Barriss as they positioned themselves against the headboard.

Before any clothes could be discarded, Barriss felt something warm drip on her face and flinched slightly. Surely, she thought, Ahsoka had not started salivating already!

Ahsoka felt the back of her head in concern, wincing slightly, only for her eyes to widen as both she and Barriss saw the blood.

Barriss gasped and then went straight to her bathroom to fetch a first aid kit, while Ahsoka tried to calm her breathing and make sure she didn’t bleed on the bed.

 

-

 

Barriss was calmer now. She was in her element. Being a nurse-in-training helped. She was used to fixing people. This time, the patient was her girlfriend and she would be able to fix her just like any other person. She needn’t worry.

If anything, it took the focus off her, and she wouldn’t pretend she wasn’t a little bit grateful, as selfish as she felt for the thought.

Ahsoka winced slightly as Barriss cleaned her scalp with cold water and pressed gauze down on the wound.

She looked at Ahsoka and told her calmly, “Make sure to hold that down for a little while.  
About ten minutes should do it. If the bleeding doesn’t stop, we might have to go to the hospital. I can only do so much with what I have.”

Ahsoka nodded slightly, as she placed her left hand on top of her head, holding the gauze down.

She smiled a little. “I feel better that it’s you taking care of me rather than a stranger.”

Barriss smiled back. “I do what I can.”

Ahsoka focused her gaze on Barriss. “So, are you using different pronouns now?”

Barriss replied. “No, actually. I’m still comfortable with my usual ones, but if that changes, I’ll let you know.”

Ahsoka nodded. “Speaking of changes, we still have to think of something to replace ‘girlfriend’.”

Barriss thought hard about it. “What if we used “partner’ instead?”

Ahsoka scoffed. “What kind of partner? Partner-in-crime? Partner-at-a-law-firm?”

Barriss sighed. “Well, I guess that’s out.”

Ahsoka’s tone became apologetic. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, Barriss. I just don’t want it to be vague, that’s all.”

Barriss raised an eyebrow. “You mean, you want people to be aware that we are in a relationship?”

Ahsoka shrugged. “Well, I don’t want them to assume otherwise. And I like people knowing that we’re together. If that makes me prideful, then I don’t care!”

Barriss nodded and kept a straight face. “Very well. I shall ruminate on it for now and let you know.”

Ahsoka perked up. “How about ‘significant other’? Or ‘paramour’? That’s French, isn’t it? French is a romance language, right?”

Barriss thought about it. “I’ll think about it.”

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “I practically heard you think about thinking about it.”

Barriss smiled. “Well, this isn’t going to be decided in a minute, after all. You’ll just have to think quickly if our relationship gets brought up.”

Ahsoka replied dryly, “I’ll have to make sure to avoid the topic at all costs, then. Or maybe I’ll just refer to you as ‘the love of my life’.”

Barriss groaned. “You haven’t been reading those cheesy romance novels again, have you? I don’t know how you stand them.”

Ahsoka was on the defense. “Well, they’ve come in handy at times…

Barriss was horrified. “Please tell me you didn’t take sex advice from garbage writings!”

Ahsoka grinned widely. “That’s exactly what I did.”

Barriss had her head in her hands now. “What am I going to do with you?”

Ahsoka replied triumphantly. “You can help me practice what I learnt from those books!”

Barriss chided her. “You’ve sustained a head wound, remember? Or has all the sugar in your system made you forget?”

Ahsoka smiled sheepishly. “I guess all the sugar in my system made me forget. But I’m fine now!”

She lifted off the gauze to show that there was only a small amount of blood on the fabric, “See, I’m fine!”

Barriss protested. “At least let me clean your head again and bandage it before you do anything drastic.”

Ahsoka gave in. “Fine!”

Barriss nodded, satisfied, as she made her way to Ahsoka, managing to clean her scalp without much fidgeting from her patient.

After a bandage was applied with some difficulty, she sighed and sat back on the bed, while Ahsoka prodded her scalp with two fingers, “Feels good as new. Nurse Barriss to the rescue!”

Barriss chuckled. “That’s Nurse-in-training Barriss, to you!”

Ahsoka’s sarcasm was evident. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Now how about we go see about practicing some techniques from those novels?”

Barriss gave up. “Fine. But take it slowly. You’ve had an almost lethal amount of sugar and you hit your head. I don’t want you throwing up on top of me!”

Ahsoka saluted. “Yes, ma’am.” Realised her mistake, she stuttered, “Um… I mean… yes, Barriss!”

Barriss rolled her eyes. “Relax, Ahsoka. I said the pronouns were fine, remember?”

Ahsoka was embarrassed. “Oh, right. Sorry.”

Without warning, she got up and gently pushed Barriss down onto her back to kiss her passionately, straddling her on the bed as she did so. Barriss reciprocated.

After a few minutes, Ahsoka suddenly withdrew and slumped on the bed next to Barriss, “Sorry, let me just catch my breath.”

Barriss was worried. “Are you alright? Ahsoka?”

Ahsoka replied lethargically, “Oh, I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

Yawning, she stretched and moved up to place her head on Barriss’ pillow. Within a few seconds, she was snoring, sound asleep.

Barriss shook her head, amused. At the back of her mind, she knew she would have to be vigilant and make sure Ahsoka’s lack of energy wasn’t due to her head wound.

However, Ahsoka’s familiar snoring and steady breathing indicated that she really was just tired.

Barriss sighed gently. She really would need to have a talk with her and Anakin to make sure they didn’t binge on sugar anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This didn't take very long to write. I've had this idea since the middle of writing my series. Enjoy!
> 
> The worst part about writing and publishing your story ideas is that you need to start churning out new ones fast! It might be a while, I've been infected with a cold. Near the end of day 3. I can feel the brain fog setting in, but it's mostly just sinus issues. My face is sore.


End file.
